The Truth about House Hunters

Sometimes, the truth hurts. Do you remember the disappointment you felt when you first learned that Santa Claus wasn't real? Or the utter heartbreak when you discovered that Milli Vanilli weren't really the ones singing "Girl You Know It's True"? Sure,you probably suspected the truth for awhile, but part of the magic is gone.

Well, once again, I have been duped. Bamboozled. Horns-waggled. The proverbial wool has been pulled over my eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, House Hunters is a sham. 

For years, I've loved my daily 30-minute peek into strangers' lives as they search for the perfect house. I loved guessing which house they would pick, and especially hearing their price range (and subsequently feeling like a pauper when 22-year-olds reveal that they are looking at half-million dollar vacation homes in Malta. Who are these people, and where the hell are they getting this money?). 

So, a few months ago, we sold our first home and began house hunting.  I figured this was the perfect time apply for the show! The application was long and involved, including several essay questions about your personalities, living situation, price range, and desires. I peppered it with humor and personality, checked the box that said, "both parties are willing participants" (This was a stretch lie.  My husband had no idea I was doing this. He would rather drive nails in his eyes than be on TV. Oopsie!) and sent it on its merry way. 

And then, a few days later, I received this email:

Hello Heather,

Thanks for your interest in House Hunters! I'd like to help you get on the show, but first I'll let you in on a secret about how the show works – because the way it looks on TV and the way it’s made are 2 very different things.  Don’t be disappointed.

The show is only filmed with people ONCE they find a home that they ARE BUYING.  So we don’t consider people until they have an offer accepted on a home.  The show is filmed right around the time you close on the property (Before you move in AND while you are still living in your current living situation).

We’d love to consider you and here’s how that works:
Once you make an offer on a home, let me know.  Then we need a home video (audition) within 5 days, preferably one done with your agent.  So please keep me posted and I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

Sincerely, 

House Hunters Lady

After recovering from my initial shock, I felt a little stupid. For years, I naively believed that these people really sat down, discussed which of the three homes they would buy, made a decision, and had a nice little neighborhood wine party and the token newborn to celebrate. Nope! The other two houses are just decoys to prompt the viewer into making a decision. I was crushed.

And with that, my House Hunters days came to an abrupt end. I just can't deceive the viewing public, and my husband probably would have divorced me if he came home to a camera crew.  I'll probably get over it in time. After all,  I forgave Milli and Vanilli and eventually Blamed it on the Rain instead. But the magic, my friends, is gone.